by
Yuya Joe College
Part
One – Sneaking a Mandate
The
key for G (Groucho Stephens, Canberta's new PM) had been stealthily
planning for extremes during his minority years (he hated the term
“minority”), outwardly projecting the image of a moderate human
being and leader, while secretly conspiring with Talibertan, American
and Chinese backers for his eventual takeover and hard right steer.
Groucho
got his mandate (that term scared him) and was now busy courting the
Chinese yuan, allowing China's largest telecommunications firm to
build Canberta's telecommunications networks, over the objections of
his US and Australian governmental counterparts. In China, people
know their phones are tapped, and adjust accordingly, however
Canbertians were such trusting people, they didn't even suspect that
something was up. In any case, Grouch wasn't into government, he was
into exploiting resources and stealing money, and besides, he
believed the Chinese were actually capitalists just like him, and did
not give much credence to all that commie crap, with incessant tales
of nepotism, torture and unlawful imprisonment of human rights
activists.
His
Tailbertan advisor / partner Mad McKnight had to lay low for awhile,
for too many netizens had been inquiring about ShelfEight and those
timely telephone calls during the most recent election. Pierre
Poutine was also advised to keep away from the limelight. There would
be new tactics for the next election, and additional American firms
would be brought in to surreptitiously sway voters, again.
Part
Two – Proof in the Pudding
Still,
time was crucial, as the crisis had to be built quickly. In early
2012, G's Guv doubled the penalties for herb gardening, from 7 years
imprisonment to 14 years. Anyone who believes in God or reason or
both knows in their heart and mind that Taliano speaks the truth,
while the Talibertans utter diatribes with forked tongues.
Groucho's
now proposing a new law that provides for a prison-term of ten years
for wearing a mask during a riot, or five years if police declare a
peaceful gathering an unlawful assembly. There is already a law that
wearing a face mask while committing a crime is illegal, but if
Groucho's Guv only put criminals in prison, they would never be able
to retire in the luxury they dream of. When MP Rake Bitchyards
initially suggested one to two years in prison for wearing a face
mask, Grouch was heard to mutter under his breath “where's the
money in that?” and the sycophant quickly smartened up. A conscious
aide mentioned that a Muslim woman (with face covered) or a Chinese
man with a cough (wearing a surgical mask) walking by a demonstration
deemed unlawful could then be jailed for five years, G had a good
belly laugh over that one, and when another peon suggested that
protesters often cover their faces with scarves to protect from
teargas and other poisonous emissions from police forces, the PM was
heard to utter a single word, “excellent.” Finally, when someone
mentioned that a First Nations person with war paint could be
imprisoned for this type of public expression, Grouchy just laughed
even harder.
Part
Three – Masters of the Gulag
G's
American overlords at PCA (Prison Corporation of America) had
definitely not set up trust funds for himself, his cabinet and inner
circle, in Switzerland, Lichtenstein and the Cayman Islands, and the
plan was unfolding as desired. A raft of new laws had been created
that doubled and tripled prison terms for minor offenses, and a whole
range of additional useless laws were enacted to ensure that any
environmentalist, marijuana smoker or other nature lover could be
easily imprisoned for long stretches.
Anybody
opposing the Tarsandia Prison was targeted for imprisonment, yet one
problem remained, that being Canberta's extensive and well-run
publicly-owned prison system. In 2012 this obstacle was swiftly
removed, as some of the largest, most esteemed facilities were
quickly shut down without warning or reason, foreshadowing the
overcrowding crisis that would spur the construction of PCA
mega-prisons. People seemed to have forgotten the disastrous
Pentanguishene experiment, and news stories of the USA private prison
calamities were rarely reported in the increasingly docile Canbertian
press.
Son
of Sam (architect of the Penetanguishene fiasco and now an advisor to
Grouch) provided his Halloween Report to the Guv, suggesting the
scrapping of statutory release, the current system whereby
well-behaved prisoners are automatically released after serving
two-thirds of their sentence, saving taxpayers a fortune and
contributing to prison stability. The newly advised policy was to
involve prisoners jumping through hoops to prove how righteous they
had now become and would cost hundreds of millions in longer
sentences, and tens of thousands of hearings.
Part
Four – Lament for a Nation
First
these myopic primates closed down the prison farms, where inmates
learned to produce their own food, and experienced empathy for
animals, something new to many of them. These types of emotions
tended to lower recidivism, yet that was anathema to the private
prisons lobby secretly funding the Cons Guv. Next they vastly
increased prison terms (Bills C-10, C-31 and C-309) and then they
closed down the main government prisons, hoping to precipitate the
crisis they had been coached on.
Kenny
Jayded, Talibertan MP, was the main sponsor of the legislation (C-31)
requiring refugee claimants as young as 16 years of age to spend one
year in the Canadian prison system, and he was much loved by Grouch,
for there were already too many “fereigners” in Taliberta and he
was just protecting Talib “culture.”
It
was all so very depressing, and outside of Quebec, few were cognizant
of the covert Talibertan takeover of Canberta, which had previously
been known by another name. The only hope for preserving the soul of
the nation lay in Son of Jack, a Mount Royal bilingualist who
actually seemed to care for the country and its people.
